SEX with Jhade B.
‘‘SEX WITH’’…..is a blog spotlight series dedicated to creating a safe nonjudgmental space for people of all walks of life to reflect, explore, and discover their relationship to sex.
‘'If you touch the door or scream, I’ll kill you’’
Can you imagine being told that?
Now add in the fact that it’s late in the evening, you’re in a car with a stranger, and he’s parked over in some secluded area you’re not familiar with.
If you’re imagining what I’m imagining, then you would be feeling the same amount of sheer terror Jhade B. felt when this very thing happened to her.
When I sat down to interview Jhade about her sexual journey, I never would have imagined it would be full of so many surprises…but alas, it was. One of the biggest surprises was the gruesome attack that occurred to her one evening when she decided to accept a ride from a stranger. Now you may be wondering why Jhade would accept a ride from a stranger. Well, as a sugar baby who sometimes accepted dates from strangers, being friendly and open to random men wasn’t an anomaly for her. She just never imagined that her friendliness might one day cost her life
PATRIANA: What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned as a sugar baby ?
JHADE: Never go broke. That’s how I ended up getting stabbed.
PATRIANA: What do you mean by that ?
JHADE: Well, when you’re broke, you become desperate and you make decisions you wouldn’t normally make. That’s what happened to me. I was broke and desperate and made the wrong move.
PATRIANA: So what exactly happened that night ?
JHADE: I was in a hotel room waiting for my ad to post. I was waiting for it to be published on this one site. I had a few ads up on other sites but this particular site I knew I could luck up on a generous date. So I wanted that ad to be up. But I was waiting for a serious date to come through from any of my ads. A friend of mine called me and he wanted to take me out for dinner for mothers day since it was the next day. So he treated me to dinner and afterwards we went to his house. He lived about 6 blocks away from the hotel I was staying at. Something told me to stay with him but I didn’t listen. I was too caught up in trying to make money. The hotel room I was at was my lucky room. I had made over $1200 before in that room one weekend off dates.
PATRIANA: So what do you consider to be a good date?
JHADE: When they don’t have any bad reports on them and when they’re generous and don’t want a lot. Like if I go on a date and I reward him a hand job and he’ll gift me $60 or $100. Like that.
PATRIANA: I see, I see. Okay so you’re at your friends house after he treated you to dinner…
JHADE: Yep. And I decide I’m going to go back to the hotel to make some money. As I’m walking back to the hotel, this man pulls up in a truck. It’s a Mexican man. He’s young and urban looking. He didn’t look scary. He seemed scared of me. He asked me if I wanted a ride and I told him yeah. When I got in the car he asked me if I was the police. I told him, ‘‘what the f**k, no. Are you the police?’;’ and he told me , ‘ 'no, I’m on probation’’.
PATRIANA: What was he on probation for ?
JHADE: I didn’t ask. So I asked him did he want to date and he said no, he didn’t have any money to take me on a date. I look over at his gas and see that it’s damn near empty. I go, you don’t have money, you don’t have gas but you ask me if I want a ride?
JHADE: I offer him $10 to take me back to where I’m going. We pull over to a gas station and he was going to make me pump the gas first. He didn’t want to leave me in the car. He told me he didn’t trust people. I should have known right then something was off. Why wouldn’t he trust people? People who don’t have good intentions for people are the only type of people who don’t trust people. They don’t trust people because they know they can’t be trusted. I told him I wasn’t pumping the gas so he got out and did it. We started back driving and then after a little while he stopped listening to my directions and he pulled over to some dark secluded area. He pulled out a knife and said if you touch the door or scream I will fucking stab you.
CAN WE PAUSE FOR A SECOND BECAUSE SHIT JUST GOT REAL.
PATRIANA: Oh my goodness. I can’t even imagine the fear and emotions racing through you in that moment.
JHADE: I told him, ‘‘what do you want?’’ He said, ‘'I want to fuck’’. So I started to deflect by saying he was about to make me miscarriage. I was trying to procrastinate until I thought of something. But he slid close to me and he pulled out his penis and he put the knife up to my face. He told me to suck his dick. Ugh. His dick was so damn ugly. I was biting him.
PATRIANA: How did he react?
JHADE: He told me to stop acting like I didn’t know how to suck dick. So I just gave him a real blow job because he said he would let me go after.
PATRIANA: Did he?
JHADE: No. When I finished giving him the blow job he snatched my jewelry off me and snatched my purse and phone and he started to try and drive off. So I told him he was going to have to kill me because I wasn’t about to just let him kidnap me. So when I said that he took the knife and he stabbed it into the little cushion section between us. He was trying to scare me. But I couldn’t afford to be scared. So I reached for his eyes and poked him and then reached for the knife. We both started fighting for the knife. He was stronger than me though so he got it and then he got on top of me and he brought the knife down by my face but I blocked it with my elbow. That’s how I got the stab wounds on my elbow. He stabbed up my hands and legs and knees. I didn’t feel it though because I was fighting back. I was kicking and doing what I could. I finally kicked him to where it hurt and he was a weak for a minute and moved off me. That's when I grabbed my purse and got out the car and ran. Thankfully my phone was in my purse. I called 9-1-1 and they came and got me shortly.
PATRIANA: He didn’t chase after you?
JHADE: No, he drove off.
PATRIANA: Did he get away ?
JHADE: No. His DNA was on me. And they were able to match him. He had recently gotten out of jail for some crime. They had me come in for a line up and I spotted him out. They’re building a rape and aggravated assault case against him.
WOW. Talk about intense.
A part of me didn’t know how to even carry on the interview when my heart was so heavy from her traumatic experience. It’s heartbreaking how, as a society, we tend to not value the lives of women who are involved in some aspect of the sex industry. I hesitated on what to share and not share of this interview because I knew there’d be people reading this blog and feeling no remorse for a woman like Jhade. In the end I decided to share it all.
And to those people feeling she deserved it, I say, fuck off.
I stand behind the safety, protection, and access to resources for all women.
Lucky for my heart, our interview turned a bit lighter when we switched to more rewarding times of her sexual journey. Jhade shared with me some of her more enjoyable moments as a sugar baby.
PATRIANA: Who has been your favorite sugar daddy?
JHADE: Hmmm…this one white guy. We’ll call him Ed. He was 64 and super loyal. He used to love my company and give me gifts and donations all of the time just to be around him.
PATRIANA: Did you ever sleep with him ?
JHADE: He never penetrated me but I would peg him.
(Pegging is when a woman uses a dildo to penetrate the anus of a male )
PATRIANA: (laughs) Interesting. Who was your strangest sugar daddy ?
JHADE: Ugh this one black guy. He was 61. We’ll call him Nasty because I just thought he was so nasty. He had a fetish for eating pussy. I think that’s nasty when men just want to sit up and eat a whole bunch of random pussies.
PATRIANA: Did he ever eat your pussy ?
JHADE: Only once. He gifted me $1,200 for it. He wasn’t very sexual outside of wanting to eat pussy. He had a small dick.
PATRIANA: What do you consider a small dick ?
JHADE: Hmm…the width was like 2 of my index fingers put together and the length…was..about 5 inches.
PATRIANA: I see. Was he good at eating pussy at least?
JHADE: Girl I don’t even know. I don’t remember. I just get my money and go.
PATRIANA: And how did you even get into being a sugar baby?
JHADE: Well I didn't become an official sugar baby until I was 21. But I tried it once when I was 20. This girl I went to college with linked me in to this guy. I needed money really quick to pay for this bill.
Outside of sharing her sugar baby escapades, I couldn’t help but grow curious about the reactions that friends and family held about her sexual lifestyle.
What she had to say was nothing short of bold, bawdy, and self-affirming…
PATRIANA: What does your daughters father think about you being a sugar baby ?
JHADE: He thinks he ruined me. He thinks I’m being rebellious. Like..he feels I’m this way as response to all of the cheating he did in our relationship.
PATRIANA: How do you feel about it ?
JHADE: Girl I think my baby daddy has his nerve. He doesn’t understand America and survival of the fittest. I don’t do it because I’m hurt. I do it because I have bills. In all honesty, I think lame b***hes do it because of hurt feelings. Like, ain’t no hurt feelings goin make me hoe. No d**k has that type of power. Nah, for me, it was the lifestyle. Be broke or not be broke. I be trying to tell him…I was broke f***king with you. Fuck the pain of being broken-hearted, I don’t like being broke. But men like thinking that. It fuels their ego. To think that women are into sex work because of hurt feelings, that takes the power from women and puts it into the penis of the man she was messing with. So they like it. But no, women aren’t choosing to do sex work because of hurt feelings. They don’t like having hurt pockets. But men can’t handle that narrative. They don’t like it. Takes the power from them.
PATRIANA: Okay I can see that. Tell me, how is it when other people find out ?
JHADE: It can be annoying. Either they want you to mentor them. I don’t mind but a lot of people just want to take, take, take resources and not put anything back into the pot. So I don’t like that. They don’t have any good intentions for you. They just want you to put them on. It’s sometimes difficult with men because when they find out sometimes they wont take you serious. They think it’s an excuse to become abusive and controlling of your will power. Or other times they want to try and manipulate it to benefit them. They want a piece of the pie at your expense.
PATRIANA: What do you mean by become abusive and controlling of your willpower?
JHADE: Jealousy. A lot of people are jealous of sugar babies and other types of people who live off their sex appeal. It’s a skill. Not everyone can make themselves into a commodity. Even beautiful people struggle. So they become jealous because we can get people to work hard to get us the things we want. They can’t. They have to work hard to get every thing they want. That makes people bitter. Even outside of sex appeal work, like a smooth talking man for instance who can get multiple women to live off of. Other men, they may not admit to it, but they are jealous of him. They have to work hard to bring everything to the table but he just shows up and still gets more than them.
PATRIANA: Do you come across male sugar babies often ?
JHADE: Yeah, they aren’t as popular as female sugar babies though.
PATRIANA: Why is that?
JHADE: Men have to have money, for the most part. They can’t rely on their looks or sexuality to survive like women can. They can but the women are in love with them. A woman doesn’t have to make a man fall in love to get him to do everything for her. I think maybe it’s because men just aren’t as beautiful, as elegant, as attractive to look at. Women…we’re just so damn nice to look at.
PATRIANA: So they aren’t as profitable ?
JHADE: Exactly. They can be a sugar baby 7 days out the week and a beautiful woman would make that same check in a day or two.
PATRIANA: Have you ever had a young sugar daddy?
JHADE: Of course. Young men love sugar babies. Even 18 and 19 year olds. We’re much more affordable and less dramatic than a girlfriend. It’s beneficial for them. If they’re in school or starting a business, they don’t have a lot of time to give. They are already too stressed. Why wine and dine a needy woman when you can take the money you’d be spending on dates and spoil a drama-free sugar baby who tends solely to your needs? Sugar babies are cheaper than girlfriends.
…..the type of logic that makes you think….
Ironically enough, Jhade has a man. In fact, her and her beau have been on and off about 3 years now . He actually had called a few times to check on her while I was doing the interview.
Of course I had to ask her about the ins and outs of their relationship.…
PATRIANA: How has your sex life been with your man since the assault?
JHADE: It hasn't been the same. We aren’t very sexually active right now. But he’s understanding. He knows I’m still traumatized.
PATRIANA: And how does he feel about you being a sugar baby ?
JHADE: He respects my game, my ability to make money. In the beginning he was really jealous. That’s why we were on and off. I refuse to let people talk down on me or judge me. You’re not my God. If I curse or suck dick for money, it’s all equal. Sin in sin so let me make my choices.
PATRIANA: Do you guys still argue ?
JHADE: Not anymore really. It’s been about a year now. Things got better when I started back working a regular 9-5 job too. He didn’t like when sugar babying was my only source of income. But now that I’m working too, he…feels better about it.
PATRIANA: Do you see yourself being with him long term?
JHADE: Yeah…I love that boy a lot. He knows everything about me. There’s no secrets. The thing is, when it comes to love and marriage some people think sugar babies or sex workers can’t find love. But that isn’t true. People want different things. Some men want the trophy wife, but some men want the hustler, the nitty gritty grinder, the sex symbol. There’s people for everyone so just be you.
PATRIANA: Has he expressed an interest to be with you for the long run ?
JHADE: All the time. I just…sometimes I fear it’s infatuation and not love. I hope it’s love. Love means he will adore me in anything I do. Hell, I might be a doctor one day. I just hope that when I throw in the hustle for the W-2s, he will still be there. Because some men like the adrenaline of being with a hustler woman.
PATRIANA: Do you think that’s him ?
JHADE: (laughs) I’m not a doctor yet so I don’t know. But I do think he gets off to the fact that in the midst of my sugar daddies, he’s the only one who gets the raw and non-transactional Jhade. We don’t use condoms. He doesn’t like to with me. That’s why sometimes I wonder if it’s love or infatuation with my lifestyle. An ego thing.
Oh, ya’ll freaky freaky…
There was entirely too much that we talked about in our 45 minute conversation but for some reason, I couldn’t stop listening to the fascinating mind of Jhade B. This woman was so nonchalant yet so unapologetic in her sexuality. After sharing with me about the rolling stone ways of her first love, also the father of her beautiful daughter, she gave me some insight into how she views women, sex, and the world.
YA’LL KNOW I HAD TO ASK….
PATRIANA: I’m curious. What is your definition of a hoe?
JHADE: A broke bitch fucking with no money. I think it’s pathetic. You don’t care about food, water, luxury. Just having a wet ass. Always under a dude but you’re still broke. That’s lame. You have no goals, no job, no higher learning. Nothing but a beat p**y.
PATRIANA: (laughs) I’ve never heard anyone break it down like that.
JHADE: Yeah I call that a bird b**ch. Out here chasing crumbs. My first sugar daddy taught me that. He told me don’t be out here being a bird. This is lunch money what I’m giving you. How are you going to flip it? Once you learn that, you graduate from a bird to a woman.
PATRIANA: Those are jewels. Regardless if you’re a sex worker or not, we all definitely must learn how to make our money start working for us. So let’s get a bit more fun. What’s your favorite position ?
JHADE: I’m boring. I love missionary. I’m a granny b**ch. But see first I like to be bent over and you have to f**k me hard from behind. Then put me in missionary and end it real soft and sweet.
PATRIANA: Best of both worlds for you. What’s your least favorite position?
JHADE: Sideways. Ugh. That’s lazy d**k. Don’t come in my pu**y with that, How you goin get me horny just to lay me on my side? No sir, where’s the di*k tricks?
It’s safe to say Jhade has a firm understanding of her body and overall sexual pleasure. She went into great detail about how she applies her knowledge and communication and desires even with her sugar daddies. Her comfort, after all, always comes first no matter what the situation.
I asked Jhade what advice she would give to other people about coming into their sexual confidence and here’s what she had to say:
Touch yourself. Make yourself feel good. Don’t rely on other people to give that to you. Regardless if you’re a sex worker or the girl next door, touch yourself.
Meet JHADE B….
Jhade B. is a 25 year old sugar baby who loves to laugh, make money, and argue with her boyfriend before some great make-up sex.
BTW, her birthday is TODAY. Happy Birthday girl.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Patriana Jones is a 24 year old creative who uses her literary talents to explore topics such as sex, dating, and relationships. She is Founder of #MeLiberated and uses her platform to create dialogue and curate spaces dedicated to healing, liberation, and self-love.